I Will Make You Hungry And Fat

October 23, 2009

If you can read all three of those (heck, any one) and not go out tonight and immediately order something that takes three weeks off the end of your life, you’re a stronger man than me. Some thoughts:

I had New Haven-style clam pizza when I was there for college, and it was in fact pretty good–white pizza, lots of garlic, and the clams didn’t actually mess it up in any way. BUT, I should admit that I never went to either Sally’s or Pepe’s, which are easily the two most famous, and the ones people are sometimes will to drive up from New York for. The wait was always at least an hour (often closer to two), even on a random Tuesday, and Wooster Square was a long-ass walk. So I only went out there once or twice.

The DC slice is indeed spectacularly large–I definitely had one once that was larger than a medium pizza from Domino’s–but it’s nothing to write home about.

iggies pizza

Best high-class pizza I’ve ever had: Iggie’s in Baltimore (the Alice is absolutely fucking amazing)–I’d recommend that one to anyone.

Naples pizza

Best cheap-ass pizza I’ve ever had: Naples in New Haven. I can’t say other people feel the same way, but I swear that they cut the Parmesan with crack. It was my favorite special treat on a cold, wintry day, after walking down Science Hill from the Friday morning class I had every goddamn year. Apparently they’ve changed their name–probably something to do with the massive number of underage beer service citations they got over the years. Also famous for the “Naples Challenge” among some of the a cappella groups at Yale. You had to sprint from whatever concert or play you were at to Naples, eat a slice and drink a beer, then sprint back before intermission ended. More fun on the way there than the way back.

Best high-class burger I’ve ever had: Hamilton Tavern in Baltimore. Holy fucking shit. This is the greatest burger I’ve ever eaten. I moan with pleasure throughout the meal. Local beef, horseradish cheddar, smoked bacon, homemade bun, and homemade potato chips on the side. Plus an interesting, though not unusually extensive, beer selection. I love this place.

Best cheap-ass burger I’ve ever had: the sliders at Bert’s in Baltimore (RIP). DHigh can attest–also stuffed with crack. Their food was amazingly inconsistent. The pizza was like that frozen shit people would sell for fundraisers in high school, only cooked even worse than you could do at home. (Maybe they took it off that cardboard circle?) I’m so sad Bert’s is gone–you could usually get a table, play electronic trivia, and watch any sporting event you could imagine on one of about seventeen TVs (I just recounted in my head–that’s a pretty accurate estimate). They had ice cream for $1 a scoop, and Bhavini took advantage frequently.

Louis’ Lunch: the place in New Haven who claims to have invented the hamburger. Definitely pretty good, though not a fancy burger. Do NOT ask for ketchup–you will receive naught but scorn. They still grill it on the same, incredibly heavy vertical grills they started with in 1895:

I love the DC Half-Smoke, made famous by Ben’s Chili Bowl.

half smoke

I’d never had one until about a year ago, but they are well worth the acclaim heaped upon them. Spicy meat, a little scorched; lots of mustard; chili; and onions. They’re the shit. Last time I was at a Nationals game I walked like 30 minutes to find the nearest one. Evidence against the Nationals Park–I had to walk 30 fucking minutes to get to what should be your flagship food. Well, at least Nationals employees can handle simpler tasks than designing ballparks.

Conclusion to this whole, long-ass post: did anyone else know Connecticut was such a worthy stop on the junk-food road trip? It rated a mention in all three posts. I spent four years there, and I always said the food was better than average, but I didn’t know you could drive around the more podunk parts of the Nutmeg state and stumble upon a unique kind of encased meat.

Anyone else want to stand up for their favorite burger/hot dog/pizza?

Category Posted in fat, food. Written by elliott