Elliott Reminisces for Too Long

June 1, 2009

This started as a comment on David’s spelling post, but then I realized, since it’s only about 5 people who read this thing, who’s going to read a long-ass comment?  Just put it up as a post.

I was a champ speller in middle school (Tri-North Trojans, baby). I was on Spell Bowl, the spelling team.   We had Oreos and Coke every practice, which was enough to make me go.  We had to take a series of tests to see if we’d make the performance team.   (That’s right–we had MORE than enough spellers to put together a squad.)   I think I set the all-time record for most words right–something like 360/400. I don’t think anyone else got above 320.   I’m only bragging on it because it’s one of my few natural talents and one of the last things at which I was definitely the best.   Spelling.  In middle school.  Sad.

(By the way, one of the best reasons to be on the team was spending more time with Janice Hays, who was one of the best teachers I ever had.  I know how to punctuate because she taught us diagramming sentences in 7th grade–very out of style by that point–and we read the Bible as literature in 8th.  She was terrific.)

Anyway, we had a great team.  We got first or second almost every year.  When we lost, though, we lost to the same team.  I think their name was Tolliver Middle School, but Google isn’t supporting that theory. Aha!  Tolleston. They had matching purple track suits with the team name on them.  This is totally like out of some “Bring It On”-type movie,  interpreted through the eyes of nerds with low aspirations of grandeur.  Also,  the opposite racial stereotype of most of those movies–the dominant smart team was mostly black (unusual for Indiana, not unusual for Gary), and the scrappy underdogs were mostly white. (No Indian or Asian people anywhere!  Never happen in Hollywood.  Audiences wouldn’t understand it was about academics.)

I got sick of the team by the time I was in high school.  I moved on to much cooler pursuits.  (Marching band!  Pep band! The musical!)  I was recruited, though, maybe in about 10th grade, to be a ringer for the high school team.  I worked out a deal where I didn’t go to any of the practices–I just showed up for the competition, which I think was States.  You know what they say about pride?  Well, I missed two words out of nine, which is quite shitty.  Ah well.  Such ended my career.

If you’re curious and made it this far (you need to find a job), here’s the junior spelling list for 2009 and here’s the senior one.  Also, here’s an online Spell Bowl Simulator (!).  The internet is wondrous.

An aside about the musical my freshman year,  Carousel.

It has the worst plot in the history of musical theater.  Here it is, as I remember it.  If I’ve exaggerated anything, leave me alone–it makes a better rant.

A carnie knocks up a high school girl.  He can’t afford to support the kid, so he decides to rob a rich guy.  He gets accidentally killed in the commission of the crime.  So, naturally, he almost makes the cut into heaven at this point.  He gets sent back down to Earth to deal with his now-grown daughter.  He slaps her, provoking the worst line in the history of bad lines, “Did anyone ever slap you and it felt like a kiss?”  So, boom!  Heaven.  Happily ever after.  That’s even leaving out a song with some of the most awesomely sexist lines ever to grace a stage:

“With her little tail a-swishin’, every lady fish is wishin’ that a man would come and grab her by the gills.”

“All the rams that chase the ewe sheep are determined there’ll be new sheep, and the ewe sheep aren’t even keeping score!”

Yay!  Animal gang rape.

Also, “the vittles we et were good, you bet!”  Rodgers, you’re a hack.

Posted in history, indiana, nerd. Written by elliott